I have to admit that, between Memorial Day weekend, seeing old and new acquaintances, family parties and emotional explosions, I really have not had much thought as to what I wanted to write about this week. But thankfully, CBS 3’s Pat Ciarrocchi came to my rescue.
So when you’re hungry, what do you crave? Me? Vodka. ;P Joking (ish) Usually a big salad, mashed potatoes, or anything of the crustacean variety. But not good ole Rudy Eugene of Miami, Florida. Big, bad and naked Rudy decided that he would like first and second helpings of Ronald Poppo’s face. One would have thought he was at an all you can eat buffet, Cannibal style.
Now, as gruesome as this story is, I feel compelled to find the humor, so bear with me. First, why were these two grown men in all their nekkid glory on the side of a busy highway…get a room already! What sort of psychedelic drugs were they on?! Turns out, it was bath salts.
I ask this because when the po-po shot at Eugene, he took the hit and growled at them! Growled! What is he reenacting a scene from American Werewolf in London? (stellar movie btw) And the victim, Poppo, doesn’t want to release a statement, he wants to put the whole situation behind him. No s**t Sherlock, of course you do, it is flipping embarrassing! But you will speak, you must because this nation, or just me, wants to know why you were in the predicament in the first place.
So where are the witnesses!? If people slow down when passing a car accident, how could no one stop to watch this freak show? Where are your priorities Miami!?!?! Sigh, well I guess I’m going to have to dig deep down and try to find some patience and wait Poppo out. This is going to real hard for me since I wasn’t born with any. But I’m sure he will surface sooner or later, probably wind up on The View, you know those lions would just love to eat him alive! (badaamp baamp)
I have the strangest craving for Fava beans now…