The National Constitution Center is asking people to write political stump speeches that are only six words long. Short platforms like that could have made this election season a whole lot more pleasant – stupid, simplistic, but pleasant.
The Constitution Center will start accepting ideas on their web site at 5 p.m., April 24 – the date of the Pennsylvania, New York, Delaware, Rhode Island and Connecticut primaries.
And now that both Republican and Democratic primaries are essentially uncontested, it’s not like you’re doing anything important that day anyway.
To give successful examples, the contest sponsors have quoted Franklin Roosevelt’s “Restore America to its own people,” George H.W. Bush’s “Read my lips: no new taxes” (though that promise didn’t get kept), Ronald Reagan’s “Federal government is overgrown and overweight” (uh … that promise didn’t get kept either) and Barack Obama’s “Our government should work for us” (that one is still up in the air).
Here are a few others I’ve written in advance. I would seriously consider voting for anyone who used one as a campaign slogan:
* “Your job now gives dental coverage.”
* “I’m gay. Now here’s my budget.”
* “Shut up and let me think!!”
* “99 problems but a bitch ain’t”
* “I’m a clown?! I amuse you?!”
* “Hey Barry, have you lost weight?”
* “Here’s ten dollars. Buy yourself something.”
* “Hulk smash!” (Repeat three times.)
* “No more elections for four years!”
The same day the Constitution Center accepts submissions, by the way, it’s hosting a Primary Palooza Party – with free admission, presidential trivia and election-themed quizzo games. There will also be a cash bar, which you’re going to need, because they’ll be showing election returns.