How many of you out there saw Shane Victorino on Hawaii Five-O last night? Apparently, a lot of people around the country did – last night’s episode was the highest rated program in the 10 pm time slot – but did anyone outside of Philadelphia even know who Victorino was?
Surely, fans of the Philadelphia Phillies knew who the Flyin’ Hawaiian was as soon as he appeared on screen, helping his fellow “Halen Pharmaceuticals” co-workers in a team-building exercise. The true team player that he is, Victorino’s character attempts to talk one of his attractive co-workers into participating in the exercise, and he even turns down an offer of free drinks from this woman in favor of helping his team. Good for you, Shane.
With last night’s 72-second “performance,” Victorino became the latest Phillies player to be featured as an actor on TV, as CSNPhilly’s John Finger points out.
While Shane’s performance on Hawaii Five-O was passable – he’s obviously a natural playing a Hawaiian – he still doesn’t attract the same national attention as his teammates Ryan Howard, Chase Utley and Jimmy Rollins. And with his contract with the Phillies due to expire at the end of this season, it might be important for Shane to increase his profile before potentially hitting the free agent market next winter.
So, in looking out for Victorino’s future, I have compiled a list of the top 5 Hawaii-based television roles that would fit Shane best, and help make him as much of a household name as some of his teammates. Enjoy my poorly Photoshopped images.
5. Shane Victorino as Magnum PI
Shane could become your hometown baseball team’s next heartthrob for all the ladies. His Hawaiian roots give him the exotic appeal that the ladies love, and the men can easily find a way to cheer on an actor that pays homage to Tom Selleck. Think Jayson Werth and the Washington Nationals.
4. Shane Victornio as Stitch (from Lilo & Stitch)– the animated series
Can’t you just picture Shane as the lovable child’s character Stitch from the Lilo & Stitch animated series? Look how adorable he looks here getting kissed on the cheek by Lilo. With a role like this, Victorino could become every kid’s favorite player, which will boost your team’s attendance and merchandise sales. Think Tim Tebow.
3. Shane Victorino as Jason Ioane (Baywatch Hawaii)
Baywatch was the most watched show of all time, according to the Guinness Book of World Records, so this role would certainly increase Shane’s profile immensely. Sure, the Hawaiian version of the show wasn’t as popular, but it fits Victorino perfectly. Maybe those muscles and dreadlocks will also help him cut down his strikeout rate (at least with the ladies), which would certainly increase his value as a hitter. Think 2009 Jose Bautista vs. 2010-2011 Jose Bautista.
2. Shane Victorino as Dog the Bounty Hunter
One of Shane’s best assets as a player is his speed and quickness, two traits that will serve him well in this role. Give him Dog’s muscular build, tenacity and aggressiveness, and no one will be able to stop Victorino on the base paths. Think Tim Raines.
1. Shane Victorino as Charlie (from Charlie’s Angels)
Viewers never actually saw Charlie in the original TV series, so this is the best rendition I could come up with of how Shane would look in this role. Regardless of what he looks like, playing Charlie would demonstrate what is possibly the most attractive attribute for Major Leaguers – leadership. Charlie was able to keep three stunningly beautiful women focused on the task at hand. Surely, if Shane can do the same, he could lead a team to another World Series title. Think Derek Jeter.
So there you have it. If Shane listens to my advice and can land these roles, he could find himself as the most valuable player in Major League history after this season. He’ll have the lovely locks of Jayson Werth, the popularity of Tim Tebow, the power of Jose Bautista, the speed and strength of Tim Raines, and the leadership qualities of Derek Jeter. What a combo!