With the Presidential elections coming up, last night may have been the most important State of the Union address of the last four years. While rumors of what would be said flew about the Capital region swirled some of you derelicts planned differently. Instead, you even made a game out of it! Can’t you people go 45 minutes without trying to ruin your liver? Well hopefully you were sober enough to understand what will happen to our country in the next year. Nevermore, to keep your whistles wetted and patriotism vetted (boom!), we give to you a list of 7 delectable “American Classics” with which to accompany your next viewing pleasure. Cheers! (The official Huffington Post rules are on page 2, if you must.)
7. Tea
That’s right, the beverage that started it all. Except this time, you can choose to step on someone else’s country to get it cheap. Hurray for independence!
As America’s oldest brewery, Yuengling has been cranking out this fine patriotic beverage since 1829. Go on, have a taste of delicious Pottsville, PA!
5. Coca Cola
Good, old fashioned, American Coke. So it comes with a red label and is the number one soft drink in China….what are you getting at?
It’s like liquid apple pie, except without the cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice. Actually, it doesn’t taste like apple pie, but it does come from Johnny Appleseed’s old stomping grounds….If you don’t know who Johnny Appleseed is, shame on you.
3. Tap Water
Since the Unites States claims ownership of some of the world’s largest sources of freshwater, it is your American duty to drink some of it. If you can’t drink it plain, see drinks 5-7, as they’re basically made from water in the first place. And for the love of God, lose the bottle and drink it from the tap. How about a nice reusable glass to drink it out of, made right here in the USA?
2. United States Wine
There are AT LEAST 5 different appellations to choose from here in the United States. If you like great Riesling, try something from the Finger Lakes region. Pinot Noir your thing, try something from Washington State. Want gigantic Chardonnay? Why not drink something from Napa or Sonoma. Seriously, keep your money in the States where it belongs.
As the most quintessential American beverages, you must consume it. Go out, buy a fifth and drink it. If you don’t like it, put it in some Coke and drink it down anyway. If it’s good enough for US Presidents, generals and about 200,000 hill-running rednecks, it’s good enough for you. God Bless the US of A!
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